They say that between man and time is constant war. A schedule is the weapon, while the battle is chaos. It's funny, if you think about it. We've created an enemy and made it our number-one goal to defeat it. The tick and the tock of a clock are like bullets striking against the human soul. We can never defeat the enemy who shows us neither hatred nor mercy. Our lives fleet infront of us by means of man-made machinery. We live not because in the end we will win, but because in the end we all will lose.
This is the human existence.
I remember what I was like before I came into the zone. What I did not know is what I felt. I never will. I am here at the zone for fame and fortune, just like everyone else. But, I am also here to learn about myself and to learn the question no one will answer: why? Why is it things turn out the way they do? What is it that drives us forward, and for what reason? Well, I am here to find out.
Since I was a young girl, I watched my life pass me. Like a dream, or more like a nightmare, myriads of faces masqueraded as friends and even family. Well, no longer. I am here to find myself, and hopefully the answer to questions which I seek.
This is me as a child. My parents loved me, and so did my brothers. We were as tight as blood relatives could be. I was taught well and brought up well. Why, then, would I lead such a rebellious and dangerous life? That is something I cannot answer very clearly. I guess it is all because of one experience as a child that I can never forget. I was ice-skating with my friends on New Years Day. I broke concentration for a moment and saw a crowd of people standing there. I skated over and saw a figure beneath the darkness. The ice had broken and a child was drowning. No one was doing anything. My parents dragged me away.
I do not know if the person lived or died. I do not want to know. That day showed me, though, that life is not in the people you love, but the thinness of being dead and having your heart beat. Death is what makes life worth living for. We are constantly fighting to swim through darkness to get to some air, but all we hit is a cold, hard barrier. We are in a battle with time, and we will lose. We will end up what we fear we will become.