Started by Bagelz, 20-12-2009

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"The alarms went off after I hopped the fence of the checkpoint...I mean, dayum', hol-ee...shit...God damned alarm screamin' right in ma' god damn ear...Fuckin' annoyin' ass shit, I could hear Yurdansky screamin his ass off, ya know', the usual, thee...latter. But to no surprise, half the morons and shmucks were still yellin their balls off, scurryin about the base as I made a run for it ovuh' the checkpoint with the keys to the jeep and a trusty ole' rusty Americano bambino vintage M-16."

"It was a pretty easy plan though, the boys back in the Union and I set dis' shit up for a long time...Took a good three hundred hours of planning *Stubs cigar* and preparation. But we managed to pull it off, thankfully."

"Ya know', being an American, I studied up a lot on no longer existin' mafia's, ya know, the bulgarian mafia, albanian mafia, the Camorra, and a few gangs like the old baby-face gang and Totorelli gang, a lot of cool stuff, the stereotype John Dillinguh' mumbo-jumbo, but I think I pulled off a lot of stunts and shit of my own back in my young days."

"I remember, back in ole Reddie District, a buddy of mine: Paul Goronelli, good friend, good friend. Him and I went and robbed dis' little gas-station off on the end street of twenty-third street. Lucky for us, that guy was packing, and he was...more understandin' than other people we've hit. He was how I got all started up in dis' business, my father being a pretty good partner and true friend of mine as well. Without him, I'd probly' be dead."

"Anyway, Paulie and I hit up and joined this mafia called the *The enemies*, and that's how him and I got all started. It's funny though, ya know, I got all these morons fooled in this 'Chernobyl' shit-hole, paha, what a joker. I managed to fuckin' infiltrate the military ranks of the Ukraine Military Power, and lead a union of thugs and business-men alike to glory. What more could I ask for? I mean, I got-...I had it all, until now..."

"Final words, boys and girls, and I'm going out with a bang. A nice...big, bang. Fuckin' army boys got my ass surrounded, and I'm uploadin' these docs' public to anyone who wants em'. Already finished the transfer, all you need is some wireless internet, some *connections* to some friends, and you can hit up on dis' shit like no tomorrow."

"So it's about time to go, I'm pretty sure these military fellas' are gonna shoot me the minute they see me, so I'll finish this up now. I've got nothing left to say but this..."

"The Ukraine Security Service is a massive joke. They didn't even bother to scan a background check on me after I left and took two of their boys down as they chased me over the roads. I mean, what the fuck...You'd think a bunch of strong tough vodka guzzlin' ruskies could take care of a typical American mafioso."

"For those of you tuning into this local radio channel, hear me out. The Ukraine Military is a -joke-, do not over-estimate them. The country of Ukraine could be whiped off the face of the planet by a superior Military power ten-fold in a matter of days. The stationed soldiers in Chernobyl are running dry, and are running down to the last remnants of the ground-troops up North and South. They. are. NOTHING."

"Second, do not under-estimate the Traders Union and Bandits. The bandits are one-hundred times that of the Ukraine forces in Chernobyl. If the bandits were to plan an attack on the Army in the Cordon, it would be ceased in a matter of hours."

"Lastly, for those of you who want my stash, you ain't getting it. Already sent that shit over to my family back in Ukraine, but my boys back home will take good care of them,  I assure you. Any of you lousy fucks plan -ANYTHING- on them, and you are dead meat. Just ask Bosko, he'll fuck your face up nicely with a fist or two."

"So let's see...crimes, hmm,... Murder of Ukraine Military units, drug smugglin', illegal gun smugglin, more murder...more infiltration, ehh I ain't no fuckin' cop, get outta here!"

"Well boys and girls, this is Lachance signing out. Good luck, and good night."

*Sound of scurrying into drop-hole of house, floor-boards creak and squeak, as a tumbler-lock shuts, the sound of a rug sliding over wood.*

"Haha, just kidding! Boys and girls...I'll be around for as long as I want. They can't stop me... Put a bounty on my head as long as you like. I got friends, pals, can't stop me, don't even try it."  


Fuck you, Bagelz.

I just read that whole motherfucking thing in Ellis' voice.