Tired of house fires?
Creepers got you down?
Just plain sick of your wife?
Want to blow your house up for cash?
Then you need the new Balmung Series Insurance program brought to you by Portkins Architecture, Paralegal and masonry subsidiaries!
With your low low payment of exactly 1 gold bar a week1
we will rebuild your house on notification!
Included in our insurance program is our new "EVERYTHING" Package!
For a small addition to your weekly fee, our agents will record all of your belongings, once a week and catalogue them in the "Securiphere"
Should your valuables ever get stolen, we'll replace them!2
Act now! This low low premium price of 1 gold ingot WILL NOT last for long!3
Order now and you'll get a free Steel Axe and Jacuzzi!4
With our Balmung Series Insurance program, you'll never have to worry about your house going up in smoke again!Your use of the Materials is at your own risk. Portkins specifically disclaims any liability, whether based in contract, tort, negligence, strict liability or otherwise, for any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, or special damages arising out of or in any way connected with access to, use of or reliance on the Materials (even if Portkins or representative has been advised of the possibility of such damages) or that arise in connection with mistakes or omissions in, or delays in transmission of, information to or from the user, interruptions in telecommunications connections to the Web Site or viruses that may infect your computer equipment or other property, whether caused in whole or in part by negligence, acts of God, Satan, telecommunications failure, theft or destruction of, or unauthorized access to the Web Site or the Materials. This limitation of liability may be different in connection with specific products and services offered by Portkins. Any controversy or claim arising out of or relating to these Legal Terms or this advert shall be settled by binding arbitration in accordance with the commercial arbitration rules of the Minecraft/HGN Arbitration Association. Any such controversy or claim shall be arbitrated on an individual basis, and shall not be consolidated in any arbitration with any claim or controversy of any other party. The arbitration shall be conducted in America, and judgment on the arbitration award may be entered into any court having jurisdiction thereof.
1 Premium rate subject to change
2 Cash rewards may be distributed in some cases.
3 Intiation premium will always be 1 gold ingot
4 While supplies last, does not include installation fee.
Note: This is serious buisness! I am actually offering this!