Maksym Sirko's STORY!

Started by gnomebutts, 04-02-2011

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//I wrote this for a freedom app and it turned out to be REALLY LONG and cool in my opinion and I don't usually write stuff like this so some feedback would be nice!!!

Maksym Sirko was born to a working class family in Kiev, the capital of the Ukraine. As a child he was held to high expectations by his mother and father, who wanted the best for both their sons. From a young age Maksym resented his parents' expectations. He felt the urge to rebel at a young age, and turned to petty theft and vandalism around his neighborhood. He gained a reputation as a misbehaving hoodlum, and tension between he and his parents grew. His father was especially disappointed, and their relationship steadily fell apart as he entered adolescence.

By the age of sixteen, Maksym's relationship with his father had completely fallen apart, despite Maksym's efforts to gain his approval. He had grown out of the petty crime of his childhood and channeled his energy into boxing. He honed his skill as a boxer and won the respect of his teammates, his coaches and all who watched him, but still his father wasn't impressed. Maksym's school work was suffering. While he wasn't a stupid boy, he hadn't been able to focus his efforts on schoolwork and therefore his marks suffered. One night, during a heated argument with his father over schoolwork, Maksym took it to blows. He struck his father for the first time in his life. He watched the old factory worker stagger backwards in shock and disgust. What little him and his father had between them was lost, and he knew it.

Maksym left his house that night feeling a horrible mix of emotions; anger, sadness, disgust, and most of all, for the first time in his life, loneliness. He managed to get on a train and head for France.

He arrived in France after a week of travel. With all his money spent on his ticket there, he arrived at the French Foreign Legion recruitment office in Paris with little more than his passport and the clothes on his back. He was quick to sign the forms and accept a five year contract as a legionnaire. Now known as Marcel Reaume, he hoped to leave his past behind him and create a new identity for himself. As he put on his uniform for the first time, he felt different. He put on his white legion cap and admired himself in the mirror. No longer was he Maksym Sirko, failure to his parents and batterer of his father. He was Legionnaire Marcel Reaume. He was ready and willing, he thought, to fight and die for the Legion and for France until the end of his days.

At first he resented the level of discipline the legion required, but any resentment was promptly beaten out of him within the first week of training. He was quickly transformed into a Legionnaire. He found himself good at soldiering and he fit in quite well with his comrades. Following his training, he was sent to the barren deserts of Djibouti to defend the long-forgotten French territory from violent locals.

He spent his five years in the Legion fighting around the world. It wasn't something he enjoyed. He watched his closest friends die off one by one. "Pierre Laroche," stepped on a landmine in Djibouti and died of his wounds in the middle of the desert. "Noram Lachance," a jolly Chinaman and close friend, killed by a snake in the remote jungles of South America. "Frederick Guerraume," a fellow Ukranian and his closest friend, beaten to death during a riot in a shanty town somewhere in the Congo. The list goes on; he stopped keeping track. The deaths of his friends shouldn't have bothered him. "You join the Legion to die," they say. It was something every legionnaire accepted. Maksym was just a boy, turned into a man beyond his years by the harsh guidance of the French Foreign Legion.

He left the French Foreign Legion after his first contract. Denying French Citizenship and his identity as Marcel Reaume, he found himself as Maksym Sirko for the first time in five years. Even although only his name had changed, Maksym felt very different. He hadn't been "himself" in five years, and the time he had been "away" changed him dramatically. He didn't know what to feel or what to do. With five years of Legion pay in his pocket, he made his way back to Kiev to his family and friends.

His father opened the door to a barely recognizable Maksym in his Legionnaire uniform. He was invited in curtly where he saw his mother and brother again. The reunion was awkward and tense, falling short of Maksym's expectations.

Maksym spent two weeks in Kiev. He met all the people he knew, but things weren't the same. Old friends had moved on and forgotten about him. When he suddenly reappeared in their lives, they had lost a lot of affection for him. They listened to his stories of adventure, hardship and camaraderie with feigned interest, some of them even dismissing the tales as lies. His return had done nothing but open up old wounds within his family and provide a slight annoyance to the people who were once his friends. He came to a sad, sickening realization; he didn't matter to anyone. With this, he packed his things and headed off to the Zone in search of adventure, wealth, and more importantly, his identity. The French Foreign Legion had damaged Maksym and left him in an identity crisis. He liked to think that the Zone could help him find out who he was.

Upon arriving in the zone, he met a good friend Emorlai. They became travel companions and helped each other survive. Their time in the zone was relatively uneventful, until one day when Maksym stumbled upon a bandit and was shot in the leg. Days later, after receiving first aid for his minor wound, he rallied his friend Emorlai and two new friends to search of the bandit who had wronged him. Maksym was not used to being a victim. Along the way they met Church, who agreed to help them bring the bandit his comeuppance for a share of the loot.

The part of five infiltrated the bandit lair, looting as they went. Deep into the tunnels they found the bandit and his slave. Church shot the bandit, freeing the slave. The group of five left the tunnels with fat pockets and a new friend (maybe).

Maksym is no longer content with wandering the Zone with his friends aimlessly. He seeks purpose, companionship and respect within his new home. His sometimes obnoxious and happy-go-lucky attitude is merely a coping method. He does his best to deal with the sadness, loneliness, and the tremendous level of guilt he feels. He tries hard to bottle up and leave behind his past and to come to terms with his identity crisis.


The back story is good, but you seemed to have lost the detail carried in paragraph 1-9 as soon as you get to the Zone. Make sure to explain how he heard of the Zone and how he penetrated the Cordon.

"Stop living life so that you can do a job with out pay"
-Blake/Last Exile