Spades rages about Roleplay.

[Spades_Neil]

The following content is purely unedited raging and venting that comes out as a result of a series of past events that ultimately reached their breaking point today. I will not comment on who is involved, because that would be a dick move, nor am I going to point fingers, because frankly I can't as I am part of the problem no matter how I try to put it. What you're about to read is going to contain probably a lot of shit I don't mean deep down. In fact, I didn't even bother to re-read it, so it probably has a lot of contradiction in it too. Just bare with me while I vent and get your popcorn ready. Enjoy.



So for the longest time I've been doing my best to prove to myself RP in the Fallout server isn't dead. Turns out, I'm wrong! And I've finally realized it. It took me all of today to fucking realize it. I finally understand the reason why though! And it all boils down to one simple thing. Violence. Pure, gratuitous violence. Why the fuck do we as humans find such happiness in a warm gun? Don't deny it. I'm a hypocrite myself, I like killing people too! But it's killing more than just a few poor bastards here and there. It's killing the roleplay we have there. Why the fuck do I go to roleplay there if everything I "roleplay" ultimately boils down to shooting someone? Why don't I just SKIP all the hassle of roleplaying and go play Bad Company 2? How about my flight sim? At least when I roleplay as a pilot there, people have the good fucking courtesy to say "Nice shot!" or "Good kill!" Oh yea, but when you blow up, you just get a brand new shiny plane. No one is worried about items. So no one bitches when you get shot down. Same is true for Bad Company 2, with the added frustration of the occasional 10 year old ALL CAPS RAGEMODE on the text chat. But that's easy to ignore. You just kill them a few more times until they quit or shut up. Plenty more fodder where that came from.

Yet, I love roleplay. Why the fuck do I keep coming here? I'm not sure anymore. Maybe it's because I don't know any better. Like how a virgin has sex for the first time and no matter how much it sucks it's still amazing. A very odd comparison, perhaps, but maybe you get my point. FORP is the one and only place on Gmod I've roleplayed, and I think it's a ton of fun. The idea of a world to perform these actions in that previously have been restricted to text and my imagination is just enthralling. I loved it. Now I loathe it. I don't come there for RP anymore. Everyone I used to roleplay with is now part of the problem mentioned above. They all have to kill everyone. Fuck, I'm enabling them to do it! Half my events involve some kind of gunfire, and I'm a fucking ARMS dealer for fuck's sake. See how I too am part of the problem? I think it's -only- because I'm a trial admin. Speaking of that, what the hell does that mean anyway to everyone else? Clearly not much. I'm basically just a tool for the higher up admins. I rarely get to act independently. I don't blame them really. We have a history of admins abusing the fuck out of their powers which, while I don't want to be associated with, I will be whether I like it or not. Plus, compared to probably EVERY admin here, I'm not very respected -as- an admin because, let's face it, I haven't been around very long. I don't deserve that kind of respect. That begs the question, why do I keep trying with FORP? I'm stubborn. I have this ridiculous sense that I'm honorbound because Exile trusted me with this TA status, and no matter how bad I hate the way things are going right now, I'd still be upset if I just bailed on you guys or did something stupid to lose my TA status. So, even while I'm this pissed off, this ensures that I'll be right back on the server tomorrow or the day after when I cool off and forget all about this. Come that time, I'll be right back to doing my best to try to fix things no matter how in vain they may be.

Part of me wants to just tweak and go shoot up the place. Obviously that is a bad fucking idea. What does that do? Absolutely nothing. Didn't we have an admin who snapped and RDMed everyone one day? I'm beginning to see why, I admit, but I will never do the same. I am however getting this VERY strong desire to join Enclave if to do nothing else than give people a taste of their own medicine. But alas, I like the Brotherhood too much, and I'm not allowed to join two factions. I'm a softie. It sucks. Why the hell was I cursed with caring about the feelings of strangers? Who knows. Maybe I'll toss that aside eventually and make a raider character just to shit on everyone else's fun, just to give them some perspective, of how unfun roleplay becomes when you're on the business end of an AK-102. Maybe then they'll understand my point when I say violence in roleplay just kills roleplay. Or at the very least I'll purge the server of all the idiots who only care about their items too much to do any ACTUAL roleplay. Unfortunately, out of the like... five people who frequently roleplay on the server at this point, I think there's ONE person who actually roleplays. And it's not me, I'm sorry to say. I'm too busy zipping around in observe mode to roleplay because every fucking time I drop on the ground for five minutes someone wants to kill me, or I'm selling a gun to someone who's going to go kill somebody else. The only exception is my character Voyla, who is a mercenary. Really, he's the only one no one has tried to kill yet. Why? Because he minds his own fucking business probably. But then people are like, "HEY, YOU'RE A MERCENARY, GO KILL THIS GUY K? I'LL GIVE YOU CAPS!" Voyla ICly and I, OOCly, don't give two shits about the money. Yet, as I said, I do find happiness in a warm gun. Given the chance, free of all troubles, I'd probably cap a bitch or two. I'm still part of the problem. In fact I'd love to shoot a select number of people right now. I have IC reasons already to shoot half of them. But I know, while I am perfectly capable of getting a completely fair drop on my victim, they're going to flip out when they die and go bitching to another admin. If I were in their position, I'd probably do the same thing. It seems like telling someone in OOC that "OH HEY I'M GONNA KILL YOU BTW, JUST SAYING, LOL" is a perfect way to bait someone for a bullshit metagaming claim later on--even when ICly they've already or they later ICly inform you somehow that they want to murder you. I'm just a trial admin so there's not really shit I can do about this. I'm just a tool. An extension of the higher powers that be already. I can kick people, that's about it. Any ban, any event, any kill, any exceptionally odd character I or anyone else creates, all still needs to be "authorized" by a higher power who is just going to tell me 'no' anyway. I'm tempted to just get into the habit of asking forgiveness instead of asking permission--but that's an even worse strategy. Great way to lose my job as a TA, too. And my honor with it. Back to my honor, why do I fucking care? It's how I was raised I guess. My "honor" has gotten me into unpleasant situations a LOT more than once over my life time. This will probably be another. Maybe at the very least I've made people aware of the flaws in RP.

Maybe when Crussaria RP starts up, or Star Wars RP (I'll check out Star Wars since I know enough about it) starts up, it won't have the inherit problems a post-apocalypse world has. Though maybe I'm too hopeful. If I'm right, Crussaria will be full of lolbandits and assassins while Star Wars is filled with lolspacepirates and bounty hunters. And the cycle will begin again.

And I hope I'm wrong.

/rant

Now that that's over, I won't be editing this post at all except to maybe remove it. Enjoy my pure, unadulterated rant. Love me or hate me for it, it makes little difference in the grand scheme of things.

[OrangeReal]

Too Long; Did not Read

[meetdadoom]

I can make a whole paper about FoRP and flaws and things that piss me off that lead me to basically quit FoRP. I tried to help FoRP by creating characters that influenced Passive RP however they were all ignored. I basically was trying to save a man who jumped off a building. No matter what I do, the man is going to die.  Someday, maybe I will write up an entire paper about Fallout. I have written two papers about the poor quality of FoRP however, they were simply ignored.

[Langley]

The following content is purely unedited raging and venting that comes out as a result of a series of past events that ultimately reached their breaking point today. I will not comment on who is involved, because that would be a dick move, nor am I going to point fingers, because frankly I can't as I am part of the problem no matter how I try to put it. What you're about to read is going to contain probably a lot of shit I don't mean deep down. In fact, I didn't even bother to re-read it, so it probably has a lot of contradiction in it too. Just bare with me while I vent and get your popcorn ready. Enjoy.



So for the longest time I've been doing my best to prove to myself RP in the Fallout server isn't dead. Turns out, I'm wrong! And I've finally realized it. It took me all of today to fucking realize it. I finally understand the reason why though! And it all boils down to one simple thing. Violence. Pure, gratuitous violence. Why the fuck do we as humans find such happiness in a warm gun? Don't deny it. I'm a hypocrite myself, I like killing people too! But it's killing more than just a few poor bastards here and there. It's killing the roleplay we have there. Why the fuck do I go to roleplay there if everything I "roleplay" ultimately boils down to shooting someone? Why don't I just SKIP all the hassle of roleplaying and go play Bad Company 2? How about my flight sim? At least when I roleplay as a pilot there, people have the good fucking courtesy to say "Nice shot!" or "Good kill!" Oh yea, but when you blow up, you just get a brand new shiny plane. No one is worried about items. So no one bitches when you get shot down. Same is true for Bad Company 2, with the added frustration of the occasional 10 year old ALL CAPS RAGEMODE on the text chat. But that's easy to ignore. You just kill them a few more times until they quit or shut up. Plenty more fodder where that came from.

Yet, I love roleplay. Why the fuck do I keep coming here? I'm not sure anymore. Maybe it's because I don't know any better. Like how a virgin has sex for the first time and no matter how much it sucks it's still amazing. A very odd comparison, perhaps, but maybe you get my point. FORP is the one and only place on Gmod I've roleplayed, and I think it's a ton of fun. The idea of a world to perform these actions in that previously have been restricted to text and my imagination is just enthralling. I loved it. Now I loathe it. I don't come there for RP anymore. Everyone I used to roleplay with is now part of the problem mentioned above. They all have to kill everyone. Fuck, I'm enabling them to do it! Half my events involve some kind of gunfire, and I'm a fucking ARMS dealer for fuck's sake. See how I too am part of the problem? I think it's -only- because I'm a trial admin. Speaking of that, what the hell does that mean anyway to everyone else? Clearly not much. I'm basically just a tool for the higher up admins. I rarely get to act independently. I don't blame them really. We have a history of admins abusing the fuck out of their powers which, while I don't want to be associated with, I will be whether I like it or not. Plus, compared to probably EVERY admin here, I'm not very respected -as- an admin because, let's face it, I haven't been around very long. I don't deserve that kind of respect. That begs the question, why do I keep trying with FORP? I'm stubborn. I have this ridiculous sense that I'm honorbound because Exile trusted me with this TA status, and no matter how bad I hate the way things are going right now, I'd still be upset if I just bailed on you guys or did something stupid to lose my TA status. So, even while I'm this pissed off, this ensures that I'll be right back on the server tomorrow or the day after when I cool off and forget all about this. Come that time, I'll be right back to doing my best to try to fix things no matter how in vain they may be.

Part of me wants to just tweak and go shoot up the place. Obviously that is a bad fucking idea. What does that do? Absolutely nothing. Didn't we have an admin who snapped and RDMed everyone one day? I'm beginning to see why, I admit, but I will never do the same. I am however getting this VERY strong desire to join Enclave if to do nothing else than give people a taste of their own medicine. But alas, I like the Brotherhood too much, and I'm not allowed to join two factions. I'm a softie. It sucks. Why the hell was I cursed with caring about the feelings of strangers? Who knows. Maybe I'll toss that aside eventually and make a raider character just to shit on everyone else's fun, just to give them some perspective, of how unfun roleplay becomes when you're on the business end of an AK-102. Maybe then they'll understand my point when I say violence in roleplay just kills roleplay. Or at the very least I'll purge the server of all the idiots who only care about their items too much to do any ACTUAL roleplay. Unfortunately, out of the like... five people who frequently roleplay on the server at this point, I think there's ONE person who actually roleplays. And it's not me, I'm sorry to say. I'm too busy zipping around in observe mode to roleplay because every fucking time I drop on the ground for five minutes someone wants to kill me, or I'm selling a gun to someone who's going to go kill somebody else. The only exception is my character Voyla, who is a mercenary. Really, he's the only one no one has tried to kill yet. Why? Because he minds his own fucking business probably. But then people are like, "HEY, YOU'RE A MERCENARY, GO KILL THIS GUY K? I'LL GIVE YOU CAPS!" Voyla ICly and I, OOCly, don't give two shits about the money. Yet, as I said, I do find happiness in a warm gun. Given the chance, free of all troubles, I'd probably cap a bitch or two. I'm still part of the problem. In fact I'd love to shoot a select number of people right now. I have IC reasons already to shoot half of them. But I know, while I am perfectly capable of getting a completely fair drop on my victim, they're going to flip out when they die and go bitching to another admin. If I were in their position, I'd probably do the same thing. It seems like telling someone in OOC that "OH HEY I'M GONNA KILL YOU BTW, JUST SAYING, LOL" is a perfect way to bait someone for a bullshit metagaming claim later on--even when ICly they've already or they later ICly inform you somehow that they want to murder you. I'm just a trial admin so there's not really shit I can do about this. I'm just a tool. An extension of the higher powers that be already. I can kick people, that's about it. Any ban, any event, any kill, any exceptionally odd character I or anyone else creates, all still needs to be "authorized" by a higher power who is just going to tell me 'no' anyway. I'm tempted to just get into the habit of asking forgiveness instead of asking permission--but that's an even worse strategy. Great way to lose my job as a TA, too. And my honor with it. Back to my honor, why do I fucking care? It's how I was raised I guess. My "honor" has gotten me into unpleasant situations a LOT more than once over my life time. This will probably be another. Maybe at the very least I've made people aware of the flaws in RP.

Maybe when Crussaria RP starts up, or Star Wars RP (I'll check out Star Wars since I know enough about it) starts up, it won't have the inherit problems a post-apocalypse world has. Though maybe I'm too hopeful. If I'm right, Crussaria will be full of lolbandits and assassins while Star Wars is filled with lolspacepirates and bounty hunters. And the cycle will begin again.

And I hope I'm wrong.

/rant

Now that that's over, I won't be editing this post at all except to maybe remove it. Enjoy my pure, unadulterated rant. Love me or hate me for it, it makes little difference in the grand scheme of things.

I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I'm not trolling either, I was AFK.

[Comradebritish]

Too long; didn't, fucking, care.

If you want this taken seriously post in the damn fallout boards Spades.

[Caso]

My complaint about Spades

Where, oh where, should I begin telling you about how tactless Spades is? How about here: Spades's op-ed pieces are intellectually and morally indefensible. Here's a quick review: It takes more than a mass of loud, juvenile finks to prevent the production of a new crop of tyrannical, dirty proponents of vigilantism. It takes a great many thoughtful and semi-thoughtful

Too long, Didnt care. I gave up reading two words in and I scrolled down

[Cutch]

I lolled because you bothered posting about the frustaration that every admin feels. Ask Paintcheck, Tom, Breu, or any other decent admin or former admin and they'll tell you it's old news. So quit bitching because no one cares about how stubborn you are because, believe it or not, everyone fucking knows already and it probably pisses people off without you bringing it up. And with you posting constantly in the fallout section during it's dry spell, it'd be hard to get LE not to instantly give you TA. So be happy with your "hard work" and do your fucking job or quit.

[Silver Knight]

At the end of the day, fallout goes down to all those fail communities who did\are doing frp still which gave it a bad name and reputation, it's a overly used concept even with all the work i put in to make it truly unique. It's a dam shame. It's not that bad however, it's not dead, but the playerbase is around 20 regular players, it's young and perhaps will attract a higher player-count in the near future.

[Poopship]

At the end of the day, fallout goes down to all those fail communities who did\are doing frp still which gave it a bad name and reputation, it's a overly used concept even with all the work i put in to make it truly unique. It's a dam shame. It's not that bad however, it's not dead, but the playerbase is around 20 regular players, it's young and perhaps will attract a higher player-count in the near future.

damn not dam, a dam is something beavers make. Also, it is basically dead, Splintersville has had a high playerbase from just that short time it was alive for. I rarely see people online, I gave up on it quite awhile ago to be honest.

[Ragolution]

Spades. I want to talk to you. Add me on steam: Ragolution

[Spades_Neil]

How the hell did this get moved to the Fallout forum? I posted it in GVC so I could let the chaos ensue and not give a shit. Now I have to pay attention to it. Why do I get the feeling Jake put it here?

Though to my amazement, it's filled with much less flaming than I expected. Maybe some moderators were kind enough to delete the useless flaming.

Spades. I want to talk to you. Add me on steam: Ragolution

Yea sure. So long as you're not insisting on beating me over the head with what I already know.

I'm basically going hiatus out of FORP for a few days to recollect my thoughts and decide how I'm going to deal with a few idiots in particular. Maybe then I can start bringing in new players. If shit goes wrong, if anyone needs me and Jake isn't already dealing with it, just SF me and I'll jump on immediately.

I have connections to a vast roleplaying community who'd love this server. Thousands of people. A good percent probably own Gmod. All of them are serious RPers who don't care about their character dying or losing items. I already provided a solution to the overcomplexity of the download files (assuming Exile is not going to kill me for it), and now it's just a matter of inviting them.

I lolled because you bothered posting about the frustaration that every admin feels.

In all my years of being an admin elsewhere, this is the only place I've received this much frustration. Clearly, despite my experience, I have yet to understand the most extreme conditions. This isn't even the pinnacle of it I bet.

[Paintcheck]

I can make a whole paper about FoRP and flaws and things that piss me off that lead me to basically quit FoRP. I tried to help FoRP by creating characters that influenced Passive RP however they were all ignored. I basically was trying to save a man who jumped off a building. No matter what I do, the man is going to die.  Someday, maybe I will write up an entire paper about Fallout. I have written two papers about the poor quality of FoRP however, they were simply ignored.

so could I so could most of FO's nonfailure playerbase. I'm surprised it took you so long to realized that items and gear are cancer for good rp. Unfortunately most players only care about gear. If you want serious rp gmod is hard to recommend because of everyone wanting to win the game as if it were an rpg.